Foot In My Mouth

my baby, a photo by amberye on Flickr.

I want to take back everything I said in my previous post about clowns. Bleh. It's so embarrassing when you think you have a funny conversation and then you recreate it on your blog and you come off as cynical and snarky. I have a friend, Mary (Bozette), who has a hilarious and heartfelt blog, and was a clown! I have great respect for anyone who takes those interesting and wiggly roads in life and I am most certain that clowns do that, so I take it back! I should go to that pie fight. And, I should wear a big target on my shirt to redeem myself in the name of all clowns! Sorry Mary!

Larry

Larry is part of a team of masked bandits. He robs banks. His biggest occupational annoyance is that his he has incredibly stubby legs, which makes getaways quite the nuisance. When you add the weight of bagfuls of money to his already awkward frame, it makes matters even worse. He would request that the bank tellers leave the change and just put in the bills, but he's trying to collect all the state's quarters so he wouldn't want to risk missing out on the ones necessary to complete his collection.

Larry is now in my Etsy shop!

I am working on a few bear boys next. They are in the works.

My family and I are waiting for some news which has me on edge, not that it's bad news. Things will either change, or things will stay the same, but nothing will be bad, except for the waiting part. I am especially awful at waiting. I recently heard on npr that keeping secrets is bad for your health, so I will give you a secret example of how bad I am at waiting (this next part is in italics because it is a secret and you should read it like you hear a whisper):

One year, for Christmas, I found where my mom hid my presents and I opened them all. Other people have told me similar stories, so I know that part is somewhat normal on the rebellious-kid-o-meter, but I took it a step further and secretly wore my new Doc Marten boots out and about (for a whole month) and then re-wrapped them and acted surprised Christmas morning.

Please don't hate me, it's just a problem I have. It's genetic! No, sorry mom! First I spit on the spirit of Christmas and then I blame the genes you gave me! Argh. So, there you see how bad I am at waiting, and what torture it is. It makes me very chatty as you can see from this post. Chatting dissipates some of the tension that waiting creates. A good distraction from the waiting will happen this weekend in my town. There will be a clown parade of 1000 clowns. I live in the town where Red Skelton was born, and they love him here. I didn't know who he was either, but Don Draper mentioned him in a Mad Men episode so he is basically awesome. Joseph and I were talking about how it is very strange that clowns keep existing. I know several people that are creeped out by them, and the people that aren't creeped out by them tend to be indifferent. I don't know a single soul that loves them or admits to liking them, but they still keep on being around and cramming into vehicles. I wonder if they will ever fizzle out, and who the last sad clown will be. There is also going to be a huge pie fight that I am really curious about, but I work very hard with my son on encouraging him to eat his food rather than throw it, so the pie fight might take us a few steps backwards.

Ashton and Fern

Ashton and Fern are neighbors. They are passionate about nature and stillness. Every morning after breakfast (Fern eats oatmeal with blueberries and brown sugar and Ashton eats dark toast with smooshed bananas on top), they meet up dressed as trees and head to the woods to be very still. On their walk to the woods they pick up colorful bits of string that they find on the ground, like balloon string, discarded ribbons and bits of yarn that fell out of woven scarves. Then, when they are in the woods practicing stillness, they hold the string in their hands for the birds to pick up and add to their nests.

I sort of love these tree people.

Are you enjoying summer? I am. The days seem extra long and lazy. Walter and Albert and I have been going on ridiculously long walks in the mornings. Walter talks jibberish the entire time. There is a family who lives on my block that keeps chickens. Three hens and one rooster. Yesterday I spotted the children playing with them on their trampoline. I imagine the chickens think it's torture, but if they are smart they will use it to their advantage as they plot a getaway plan.

I am going to put these tree people in my shop right now! Also, they have string loops on the back of them if you want to hang them on a wall.

Malvoy

Malvoy is a part of a team of menacing masked bandits. Malvoy's burglarizing pursuits are really just a way to kick start his fashion design business. Even as a child, Malvoy showed promise in choosing surprising and refreshing color combinations. Teachers suspected he may have a problem when they discovered missing arts and crafts supplies in a secret compartment in his desk, but the art teacher was secretly pleased that at least he was being aesthetically selective and only choosing sequins, crayons and fake feathers that were turquoise and neon green. He still is a fan of that color scheme and chose to fashion a special mask featuring it. One of his favorite parts of holding up banks is offering fashion advice to the bank tellers that are filling up his loot bags. He feels like it's his way of giving back.

Malvoy is now available in my Etsy shop!

Chester

Chester is part of a team of masked bandits. He often gets scolded by his partners in crime for not taking their burglary pursuits very seriously. Chester can't help it. He just gets the giggles at the drop of a dime, and they frequently dropping dimes is a hazard of their occupation. When they march into a bank and demand that the tellers "stick 'em up!" Chester has to try very hard to contain himself. He gets the giggles just thinking about all those exposed arm pits just asking to be tickled! He will never be kicked off of his team of masked bandits, however. He asks very little from their loot. All he wants are nickles because those are his all time favorite slot machines to play.

I wanted to let you know that a lovely lady, Ryan, interviewed me on her lovely blog, the Blooming Thread. You can read it here!

Chester is in my Etsy shop!

Menacing Masked Bandits

I have been working on this masked bandit series. It was nice to make sweet dolls for sweet, sweet people, but it has been extremely fun to make some villainous weirdos. I imagine them as a team of bank robbers. It cracks me up to picture them trying to outrun the law with no legs and stubby, awkwardly-placed feet.

I'll be posting them in my Etsy shop as I write their stories out. Burt's is done. Here you go:


Burt is a part of a team of masked, menacing bandits. He considers himself the master mind and he never has a shortage of heist plans, most of which involve duct tape. He sticks out amongst his crew because his mask is fuzzy with bunny ears and a menacing unibrow. He made up a rouse about it having to do with his love of "carrots" (diamond carats), which is half-true because he deeply loves shiny diamonds and has fantasies of wearing large diamond rings on each of his fingers and toes. But, the real reason for the bunny mask is that it covers his delicate ears which get horribly uncomfortable in the chilly air-conditioned banks. He's sure the bank presidents keep the air set so low as a way to deter him from his robbing shenanigans.

He is available here.

Sumo Available

Just a quick note to let you know that the dowel rod painting (that I was doing for my Sumos to make them into a mobile) went horribly wrong. So, I decided to sell the Sumos as just solo-hanging-sumos-in-the-air. They are in my Etsy shop! I'll be back soon with some masked bandits.